Category Archives: humor

Bored and need some time in front of the computer?

Bored and need some time in front of the computer? Here’s a little something something for you. All the way from Adultswim, the infamous guys behind Robo Chicken, comes the entire catalog (season 1-4) of the Archeresque Sealab 2021!

Link of the day: Sealab 2021 Seasons 1-4

If you have a little time off and just want some wacky entertainment, I can really recommend this! Just beware that the autoplay does not play the episodes in chronological order (at least not for me), so I just clicked back to the page linked to when the episode was over. This is adult humor at its most childish.

Latest Internet Relay Chat-logs (IRC)

#646776
Dr-Mambo: so yeah
Dr-Mambo: how about that <recent current event>
Dr-Mambo: did you catch that <local sporting event> last weekend?
Willuknight: no i missed <local sporting event> but i did manage to get to <recent current event> and it was pretty damm cool
Willuknight: i met <person we both know> there as well, they were with some friends
Dr-Mambo: oh thats just <emotive statement>
Willuknight: <unecessary agreement>
Dr-Mambo: well im going to go <masterbate furiously> to <lesbian pornogrophy>
Dr-Mambo: <parting statement>
Willuknight: <salutations>

#638700
[testic] Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty high
[testic] I think that includes wanking and wet dreams
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty low

#63811
<etoilet> i went into the D&D store cuz they had old capcom arcade booths for sale, and my girlfriend followed me in. All the guys were sitting at a table playing D&D, and this one long haired dude got up out of his seat, strode up to my gf, bowed and said "May I help you my lady?"
<crunchyfish> I don’t know, man. That’s pretty smooth. What was his charisma? 17? 18?

#54474
<Dreaded_Fist[using_AOL]> I’ve had the internet since I was 9
<Dreaded_Fist[using_AOL]> course back then, when I looked for porn, I’d type "pictures of men and woman having sex"
<rpliving> now u just type in "pictures of men"

#608100
<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player… so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there’s this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks ‘oh shit… if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i’d want to fuck him up… so i’d better hit him first’
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy… WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

#365072
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I’m back.

#597921
<dura> I really think I’m a moron.
<dura> I just now realised that Neo spelled backwards is one.

#834654
<lemonlimeskull> Keith dodged a serious bullet thanks to his massive stupidity.
<Opium> Hmm?
<lemonlimeskull> Well, as you may know he lost his license months ago
<lemonlimeskull> So he’s been biking everywhere, which has lead to him losing a bunch of weight
<lemonlimeskull> He bikes to Walmart today and as soon as he gets to the electronics department, realizes his wallet’s fallen out, probably somewhere along the highway.
<lemonlimeskull> So he takes the memory card he wanted, puts it up in his baggy sleeve, and goes to leave.
<killjay> Uh oh
<lemonlimeskull> Yeah.
<lemonlimeskull> Naturally, security stops him as he gets within 5 feet of the front doors. This huge obese woman who is obviously having a really bad day – or just hates her job.
<killjay> o shit
<lemonlimeskull> She stops him, GRABS his arm, RIPS up his sleeve, and WRENCHES the card out of his hand.
<lemonlimeskull> He knows he’s screwed so he starts crying in the middle of the fucking store. He cries all the way back to the security office, and everyone’s staring at him the whole way.
<Opium> So he’s sitting in jail right now
<lemonlimeskull> That’s the awesome part. The manager takes a look at him, notices the bike helmet, poorly fitting clothes, lack of any ID whatsoever, and the fact that he’s crying like a three year old.
<killjay> …. -_-
<lemonlimeskull> Yes. He was let go and the security woman got chewed out for hurting a "retarded kid".

#233651
<Chrisodeo> veni, veni, veni.
<CrazySteve> Pervert.

#315042
<sexor> I went shopping last night at like 1am. the place was empty, and this old woman, just making polite convertation, said to me: "where is everyone??".
<sexor> I replied: "In bed, same place you and I should be!"
<sexor> Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look

Back to the hieroglyphs!

Some Australian restaurant owner has been trying to replace ‘the’ with the Ћ symbol, the same way ampersand & replaced ‘and’ and the at @ replaced ‘at’, in order to save space in tweets and SMS text messages. What a great idea!

As you know, I’m an educated philosopher, and for a very long time I’ve been working to replace the word ‘balls’ with ∞. That way, you save a lot of characters in your texts. E.g.

Ћ new Superman flick is Ћ dog’s ∞!

Or the simpler, more to the point:

Bieber:P∞

But why stop there? There are a lot of other words worthy of replacement. For instance, you could replace ‘if’, ‘of’ and ‘fuck’ with a simple ‘f’, and distinguish the semantics based on the context.

I’ll f u ↑

f u said fu I’d b sry cat:(

I’ll cu@ Ћ McD ↓ @ Main st. 2get Ћ $$ 4my dawg!

But some abbreviations just doesn’t work. Take “the N-Word” for instance. It’s actually longer than just saying ‘nigger’. But you wouldn’t really want to say ‘nigger’ because it is racist with undertones of social darwinism (which is scientifically false).

Saying ‘the N-word’, however, is both racist AND hypocritical. It’s not like there are people out there mystified by what ‘the N-word’ signifies.. Night? Neverland? Nachos? Nippy-weather? Not-‘nigger’? Just stop trying to denote someone by the colour of their skin. We all know for a fact that colour doesn’t decide as much as economy, education and outlook. So if you need to use ‘the N-word’ in your parlance, just state without equivocation that you are a racist and a bigot.

And stop trying to hieroglyphize the language. People aren’t educated enough to use the language they already have! Now get off my lawn!

Lady C becoming a "prepper"?

I dunno if you’ve been watching the National Geographic Channel lately, but a couple of years back they decided they would turn around their public image, and as of now are among the top producers of contentless shit-tv. One of these so-called series or shows, is about preppers, viz. social expressions of despairing the human condition and the US political constitution in general. They come across as nutcases in their failure to provide any actual non-accidental facts for their despair, but in any case; they ARE PREPARED when [insert societal failure here] comes to pass.

The girlfriend, Lady C, recently blogged about her realization that she quite inadvertantly is something of a prepper herself in her blog post; One Apocalypse coming up…

We should add to her list that she’s currently growing potatoes in our bedroom.

Anyway. If she comes across as a little pervert, it’s because she insists that “Doing the jungle mambo” is not a sexual euphemism. Please don’t berate her for her lacking skill in English idioms, now. All that pleasure are belong to me.