On the Origin of the Sleepless by Means of Natural Distraction

The last few days I’ve had some really bad sleep. So bad that I thought it was good enough to share with you and all the other Internets. You see, I’ve been hearing voices. Yes. The voices of a roomie and her boyfriend, late at night. Their trip to Barcelona must have done wonders for their relationship, because now they are agreeing with each other all the time until four in the morning!

It’s not that they talk so much, they mostly just agree or approve of whatever it is that they might be doing on the other side of the wall… "Yes, yes, uhm, yeah, Yeah, YEAH!" It’s great that they have such a good relationship and have resolved their conflicts, but they really shouldn’t need to repeat themselves so often, and not so often that it disturbs their neighbours. Why can’t they just nod, or shake hands? But I guess their hands are tied…

Anyway. To remedy for a long period of bad sleep, including these late night sessions, I decided to read a really boring book so I could fall asleep more easily. So I joined . Didn’t work. There was way too much pointless dialogue with really uninteresting characters, and the story wasn’t going anywhere. It was so boring I got frustrated and couldn’t sleep. So I deactivated that chapter of my life.
Then I got my hands on by Charles Darwin. Scientific stuff from 1859. Long, boring paragraphs about grass, pigeons and domestic cattle with drooping ears:

Not a single domestic animal can be found which has not in some country drooping ears; and the view suggested by some authors, that the drooping is due to the disuse of the muscle of the ear, from the animals not being much alarmed by danger, seems probable.

"Great!" I thought, "the long paragraphs will have me brain sleeping in no time!"
But I wasn’t aware of the danger. My ears were drooping. I didn’t realize this stuff was so omnipotent!

When I got to the sub-chapter about Extinction through Sexual selection I was totally lost. I first thought it was this story about those chicks that got buggered to death in prison.. which really is a cult film from ’83 called .. "I am a deviate, the lowest form of life on earth" and that sort of thing. Boy was I mistaken! In reality Darwin wasn’t such a pervert. The Sexual Selection chapter was about these real tragic characters, geeks, who were always turned down by the girls even though they were doing their very best, and how big, harrassing type of characters who didn’t make an effort ‘xcept beating up the tragic ones got all the chicks in the end. And nobody cared about the good guys. I fell asleep feeling all alone in the entire universe, something my neighbours agreed to.
Never knew Darwin was so emotional. Or that pigeons and peas make for great lead characters.

So the book really doesn’t work the way it was supposed to. I get too carried away with it, especially now that there are diagrams of hundreds of thousands or even hundreds of millions of generations varying slightly from one descendant to another until you have got a new variant, sub-species, species or genera! Where are all these critters going?! Why are they killing their parents? What’s the role of the Australian rodents that keep returning to the plot? When did pigeon-fanciers become an authority? And what is a pigeon-fancier? Some kind of feather fetisch?
The existential questions pile up until I’m wide awake staring at the ceiling, and I just know that I was naturally selected for extinction. Because only the fit will survive, and if the future doesn’t bring some decent sleep I won’t be fit for anything. And my neighbours agree. Every night.
From what I can tell, they are both incipient species of bunny rabbits.

4 thoughts on “On the Origin of the Sleepless by Means of Natural Distraction”

  1. Bwahahaha!
    People associate me with beer:)

    Translation:
    Me, Sigg3 and some other dude. The dude took Sigg3’s beer, opened it and poured some of it on Sigg3’s slalom-glasses that I was holding. Don’t know why. I washed the glasses a bit. I think Sigg3 went to another place with his beer. There was human skulls on the kitchen and all the way to his room, as some sort of wallpaper.

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