The Post before Julebord, in which Poo and Paris and Piss are mentioned

Today I got up early before this X-mas’ julebord. The Julebord is a pagan tradition from the Viking era (or before) when you gathered all your relatives and neighbours to eat up all the food and drink all the beer that couldn’t be stored through the winter. It was one helluva party, and this tradition has continued ever since, with minor modifications.

For instance, our women do not collect our urine for wool colouration anymore, which is a bit sad. I mean, how cool wouldn’t it be to know that the colour of your t-shirt or boxer shorts stemmed from the piss of your neighbours? And today? What a terrible waste.. In addition we do not sacrifice to Tor and Odin anymore (vinterblot)! The guy with the hammer and the man with the plan (and a fetish for birds) were substituted for a pretty violent interpretation of Jesus who severed the heads of those who did not submit to the Christian faith. Good riddance, then. Today we make due sacrifice to the Gods of The Internets, smear ourselves in lotion to honor the Facebook Deities and put on musk perfume to belittle ourselves in awe of the MTV Saints.

Before I went to work I had to perform number two, as per my usual modus operandi, and without going into minute detail let me just say that there was a KNOCK! on the door. Two KNOCKS! actually. "It’s the police!" I thought. "Damn! I knew they would find out about that horrible, horrible day in ’78 and what happened in that parking lot. But we didn’t know what we were doing. We were so young. And all. that. blood… Wait a minute, this is a literal copy of a CSI episode! You can tell by the poor quality of the script!" and then I remembered that there was a fire inspection in every single apartment that morning. Damn again.
By the time I was finished #2’ing, they had already gone. Triple Damn.

I had to wait until 11:30 before they finally re-appeared to have a seven second "review" of the fire safety, which is practically non-existing. Also non-existing was the extremely dangerous fireplace and chimney which was the reason for doing the check up in the first place. It wasn’t until I got to work at around noon that I saw this:

Paris Hilton NUDE with Mister Bean!!

Apparently it’s some sort of nude- I mean new champagne that they’re advertising for. I like the shot. I think that they bring out the best in each other, while at the same time avoiding the tacky "by buying this product you agree that you are sexually frustrated" EULA thing too. Brings a whole new dimension to the old skit Mr. Bean in Paris. Thumbs up!

So tonight there’s julebord after which I will be wasted, and tomorrow there’s Kekepower‘s birthday after which I will be wasted also. In short, it’s another weekend being wasted coming up, and I don’t mind at all. After what thinks he revealed about Norwegians I’d like to see him beg to differ from his own point of view. And that sentence just barely makes any sense. So I’ll do my best!
In the meanwhile, have a better weekend folks.

7 thoughts on “The Post before Julebord, in which Poo and Paris and Piss are mentioned

  1. Have fun, enjoy the freebies and good luck! I won our Julebord, and in the end it felt like some kind of test of endurance instead of just being wasted.

  2. I demand a smiley face on the painting on the wall. The teddy bear is missing as well. Paris would have to use it for foreplay!

    Now I seriously want to thank Ivy for her comment on my blog, as it appears that all of her friends have interesting and smart blogs as well. I’m going to die here!

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