Scariest picture of the day: Live baby!

Here’s a scary pic and story turned reassuring from Wisconsin, USAE:

This picture shows wild game hunter Jon holding a live homo sapiens cub that he caught in a Wisconsin forest this summer. This blood-sucking little beast had been on a rampage in the neighbourhood for three months before Jon was able to track it down and catch it. The proud hunter recounts:

«It was late May when an old lady that lives just a couple of streets from here telephoned the police about a baby eating cabbage from her dumpster. Not surprisingly the police didn’t believe her, I wouldn’t have. But then there were more sightings of the critter, running across the road, drinking from the garden hoses, scaring the kids and generally wreaking havoc. Then house pets began to disappear. Puppies, kittens, you name it.
Personally my bet was a stray dog or even a cougar, but never something like this

Jon holds up the baby. Still kicking, screaming and emitting a horrible smell.

«It took me wife Lisa to see it before I actually believed it. She was making breakfast for me and the kids when she looked up and saw this little critter here chasing a fox by the railroad. She was concerned that it could pose a threat to the children, so I did what everybody else was doing, called the cops.
But there I got the same treatment as I guess the other eye witnesses did. And me wife growing more frightened as the days went by. ‘Right Jon’, I said to myself, ‘if nobody’s willing to do something about the baby, then it’s up to you.’ So I packed my hunting gear and started tracking. I’ve tracked wild game before, but mostly birds, so I stopped by all the eyewitnesses I knew of to hear whether they had any information about its state of health. If an animal’s got mange or a wounded leg, it’s more likely to be violent when you catch up with it, although the catching up will be easier.»

Jon’s wasn’t that lucky though. The reports recounted a perfectly healthy animal, and his hopes for catching up with it sunk. Then in late June he heard about a family that lives in the outskirts of Jon’s community, near a forest, who evidently had been feeding the animal.

«They probably didn’t think they were doing any harm, but you can’t hand feed wild animals. They’ll learn that people equate food. And babies have been known to bite off fingers and limbs. Thanks to them, however, I got a reasonably fresh lead on what area it was likely that the baby had its hole. I took up my gear again, packed food for several days, and said goodbye to the family. You never know when the hunt is on.«

Jon recounts seeing the baby in the wild.

«I’d been tracking it for quite a few days, half a week or so, when I got to an opening in the forest that ends in another valley which is usually considered safe tenting ground. That’s where I saw it, perfectly clear, playing with the flies and mosquitoes in the sunlight. At first I couldn’t believe my own eyes. It actually was a baby. Actually there, right in front of me. Just like my grandfather had told me about. He was a miner, you know, long up in the mountains. Both he and his work mates claimed to have seen the beast, but we always thought it was just another story ’round the campfire. I guess we all owe him an apology.
I felt privileged and sad, both at the same time. But the baby had to go.»

Jon’s first sighting only lasted about a minute.

«Yes, when I was tracking it I was moving up against the wind, ’cause babies have keen predatory senses. But I guess there must have been an unnoticeable change in its course that gave it my scent. It suddenly stopped playing, I freezed. It sent a glimpse right at me before it scurried off down into the valley.»

It would take another two weeks before Jon saw the baby again

«Frightened by my presence the baby had been threading lighter and leaving less prints for me to follow. I was getting tired of it all. Babies can live off the earth, but man can’t. We need McDonald’s to survive out there. And if you think America’s big you should see the great outdoors. It ain’t natural.»

But Jon refused to give up.

«Water was low, it could go days without finding any tracks, and my KFC provisions were almost gone. But as I saw it then and still to this day – it was him or me. And I sure wasn’t gonna bow under for a baby, mythological creature or not.
And I got my reward.
Two and a half weeks into the hunt, I managed to locate its dwelling. It seemed like a deserted foxhole, but who knows? Maybe it was here it was born. Babies are often seen within the same area over stretches of time, only to vanish and reappear again years later. I don’t buy the paranormal explanations about portals to other dimensions and local black holes. I believe they are highly territorial natural creatures that range over wide deserted lands. It would certainly explain the lack of verifiable observations. But they’re as physical and biological as any other wildlife. —
That night I put up a small camp in a tree from whence I could spot the hole. I kept my net ready for launch and my knife loose in the sheath. The moon was up, but if I was lucky the baby wouldn’t bother to check the trees. And the scent? By now my cologne had worn off, so I was better prepared. Still, it was the longest night of my life.»

But the baby arrived, just like Jon had hoped. It had preyed on the deer that venture the Wisconsin forests, and with blood still dripping from its ravenous fangs, it sought shelter in the foxhole.

«I scurried down from the tree, knife and net in hand, and tried to make as little noise as possible. I prayed that it had got itself a good meal, because it would likely make it slow and less likely to attack.
Two feet from the opening, I heard a chill cry from the inside that froze the blood in my veins. Without even thinking I threw the net flat in front of me. Good God, good thing I did or I wouldn’t have been here today. You see, it was going straight for my neck, teeth out, and it was so fast you could barely see it. My pocket knife was lost in the struggle. It was over me, besides me, snapping ferociously at my fingers as they got caught inside the net with it. I finally managed to get a hold of its neck and I pressed all I could. Then it fell still.»

Jon was positive he had strangled the baby, but for convenience he kept it in the net. That was his second blessing that day. The baby wasn’t dead at all, it came to barely after Jon discovered a ghastly stench stronger than a skunk’s. The trip home didn’t take more than a couple of days, but with the smell and the awful high-pitched cries it was almost unbearable. At one point he considered killing it off. But he wanted it alive, for everyone to see, and soon enough Jon had the world media’s attention after having contacted the local university for verification. With DNA samples secured and several tests recorded, the live baby was given back to Jon, which is his right by the game laws of Wisconsin.

«Yeah, I got it back alright. I was afraid I wasn’t gonna get it back alive, what with all the professors and scientists poking and prodding it and asking for first-rights to the innards; but in the end everything turned out fine. It feels right that I’m the one who gets to put it down, you know. It threatened my family. But it’s so good to know that the are more of them out there, basking in the sun, hunting the deer, living a baby’s life the way they’re supposed to. It’s one of God’s creatures too, even though nobody believed in its existence. With the species confirmed it won’t probably take too long before legislation’s passed to protect them from hunters. They belong out there and not back here, just like the grizzly bear. This one here, though? It’s the first one ever caught! I’m gonna mount it for posterity as soon as I can find the right posture.
But it’s gotta be fierce. After all, it’s the American dream, baby!»

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