In the beginning of our present financial crisis, Norwegian newsreporters hadn’t come to terms with the depth and width of its extent, as would be revealed to us later. Instead they said that Norwegians would probably just wait buying that ump inch flat screen tv. So when the crisis hit the coast of Norway, me and Lady C went and bought ourselves a 42" flat screen LCD television set. True, full HD with all the right specifications. And we were happy. Gone were the times of arguing all night. At least that’s what we thought until..
– What are you watching, C?
– mhmm.. twi-ight..
– Effin’ ell!
– Welcome to Forks! Where vamp equals douche bag, no one gets laid and every sentence starts and ends with a scoff, sigh or shifting eye movement
– Shut up, Sigg3
– Teenage angst!
– Shut up
– And even if they get laid, it’d still be goth girl humpin’ a corpse
– Shut up!
– Yey, overly overacted manners meet mr. Freeze
– …. mmmm.. cold hands..
Seriously? I lose to a dead guy as pale as Michael Jackson with a sun tan?
That’s it! I could put up with your Harry Potter shit ’cause the only ones who’re turned on by that shit are pedophiles and catholic priests, but THIS bloodsuckin’ stooping tool challenges my position as the male in this relationship!
– Aww, skip it to the WORM SCENE! Come on!
Asian guy puts worm on stick and waves it in Bella’s face.
"Look Bella! A worm! It’s a worm, Bella! Worm! *ROFFLE!!*"
– Best, scene, ever. How was it done in the book?
– I can’t remember it. What do you think of this scene then?
[Make out scene]
– Awesome.. He’s been waiting for his true love for ninety years, and when he finally meets her then NO! He can’t turn her into a vampire. Instead they can kiss, but NO! They can’t really do that either. ‘So let’s just lie here and hold hands, Bella. I’ll turn you into an icicle in the process but what the hell. My undead heart still doesn’t beat for you.’
I wonder what he does when it’s her period?
– SIGG3! I’m trying to watch this!
– Can’t you turn it off?! I get so uneasy watching these teen flicks! They get under my skin. ‘Ooh everything sucks but that’s just because my life’s too good to be true so I must want something entirely different. And look! There’s a tingling sensation between me legs! Whoa! I’m so adult now lolz that I can’t even begin to smile, ‘cuz I won’t. It wouldn’t be cool. And that would suck.’ Then the vamp goes: "So do I" with an air of ill-kept mystery. Makes me wanna barf and kill, hopefully starting with the latter. The lead character is a walking corpse and the other’s a vampire. Woot! Woot! Next thing you’re gonna tell me’s there are werewolves walking the streets. But whaddayaknowit! There’s an Indian guy from "the rez" who’s a card dealer turned werewolf. And he’s ALSO in love with goth girl. Jeeeeesus. What’s next? A giant mutant ninja turtle with a teardrop tattooed on his shell that insists on tea parties? FFS!
– Aw come on, turn it off! I wanna watch True Blood!