The Friends we never had…

Since our new apartment still looks like this we’re crashing at Lady C’s sister’s place for the time being. We’ve got our own room with a double bed, small tables on either side and an empty closet. So apart from the fact that we have to cater our own meals and do the housework it’s like living in a hotel! … except there’s a weird, slightly hysteric, silly thing sitting on the sofa with a big black hat sipping wine. More wine since we moved in, I gather.. But anyway.

With our DVD collection stacked away somewhere (in one of three optional storage facilities) it means no X-Files for us. And without the comfortable ritual of weird creatures eating each other before night time we’re having a hard time to adapt to our new surroundings. To help us out C’s sister opened up her FRIENDS DVD collection which she refer to as "MY Friends!" to ease the transition. It worked as planned and now we’re making un-funny jokes all the time and acting all retarded. Standing in the shower this morning, not touching myself, I thought about the Friends episodes that I would like to see. Here they are in no particular order;

The unofficial unreleased never-made FRIENDS episodes

  • The one documenting Carol’s lesbianity: Self-explanatory & obligatory  

  • The one where Rachel shares her cherry: Burlesque episode where Rachel and all the guys accidentally sleep together in a v graphic manner 

  • The one with the monster: Halloween special feat. Scully & Mulder chasing down Phoebe’s new boyfriend Eugene Tooms 

  • The one when Janice gets throat cancer: Can you imagine Janice à la Hawkins? 

  • The one when Monica plays with the food: And loses her job after she’s found out about, leading to drama between her, Chandler and groceries 

  • The one where Joey gets a job: This is his departure from the series 

  • The one where Rachel shares her cherry part deux: Ross admits homosexuality on the basis of being gay, as discovered in part one.. or episode one for that matter 

  • The one where Monica gets a job: Waiting tables at the café, putting on weight FAST 

  • The one with Ross’s crush: Ross gets Rachel to convince Gunther homosexuality is a great idea, and Gunther complies to please Rachel 

  • The one with the departures: Halloween special where Joey leaves the series and Chandler kills himself 

  • The one with the money: Ross & Monica sues Gunther for sexual harassment in a public space, making them millionaires 

  • The one documenting Carol’s lesbianity recap: Same as before with guest actors Milla Jovovich and Christina Ricci to name a couple 

  • The one with Phoebe 1: Joins her sister’s porn business to make more cash 

  • The one with Hammond: Halloween special where Ross is invited to evaluate a new theme park in Costa Rica built by the notorious billionaire John Hammond 

  • The one with Phoebe 2: Phoebe starts selling herself in Iran, and is stoned to death 

  • The one with the dog: Monica buys a dog for company but it eats both Chandler’s pet chicken and the duck, so Monica eats it 

  • The one where Rachel leaves: Gets fed up with work and re-acclaims the family fortune, while Gunther quits the job and becomes a full-time stalker 

  • The one with the T1000: A machine from the future is sent back in time to kill Janice for the heck of it, and everyone’s fine with it 

  • The one with Paul: Elizabeth’s dad reveals his identity as John McClane and fights the terminator. He wins and survives but the café and all the apartments lie in ruin 

  • The one with Elizabeth: "Special extra episode" feat. Elizabeth 

The last three are sort of final, but feel free to add your episodes in the comments!

5 thoughts on “The Friends we never had…”

  1. MiB, you’re forgetting the fact that I already play Ugly Naked Guy. They can’t show me on screen, because then people would see I’m not ugly, even when I’m naked.

  2. Um, guess u ain’t seen all of Friends back to back 3 times (once all 10 seasons in 2 months, i was bored). Since ugly naked guy did have screentime atlest twice in:

    Season 3, Episode 8: The One with the Giant Poking Device

    Season 5, Episode 14: The One Where Everybody Finds Out

    Pls don’t question my Friends :p

  3. I’ve seen my giant poking device. Uhm, or, eh, I’ve seen the episode with the giant poking device. But not that other one, as I recall. Of course I played in it, but I didn’t really mind watching it. Was too busy getting Rachel’s phone number.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.