Lady C called me up at work the other day because she was out and about on her day off, and had accidentally discovered that the lamp shop down the road had 50% OFF ON EVERYTHING! (YES EVERYTHING!) and that the lamp she’d always wanted to buy was now only reasonably expensive instead of a sub-prime mortgage equivalent. And she wanted my approval of purchase.
Being in a meeting this sort of request did not fully dawn on me, so I asked her to send an MMS pic of the lamp. Which she dutifully did right away with the following text message "What do you think?" just to make absolutely sure we act now or not at all. "It’s a nice lamp," I said when calling her 15 minutes later. "It’s your kitchen so you must do what feels right about it, but don’t you think it would look better in the living room? It’s a very modern kinda piece, and the kitchen’s more of a classic rustic environment?"
I shouldn’t have assumed that she hadn’t already sorted everything out in her head, and when I assume I make an ass of me and I. Pun painfully intended. So not only would it fit right there in the kitchen, it would also lift the kitchen’s feng-shui from the Rustic Nature of Reality itself to the Joyful Paradise of the Fairytale that is the kitchen of an Angel. Of course she should buy it, buy it right away! BUY NOW!
And she did. It is a really nice lamp, I must admit. Lady C is so happy she keeps referring to it as "the NEW Sun in her life" which is really awkward, what with the parents for dinner and everything.. but if she’s happy then by extension so must I.
So that well and done, I could get back to my work without further interruption. At least that’s what I thought a half hour later when she called to ask me about where she could find all the inexpensive clothing boutiques in Little Kariachi. She was looking for one of those immigrant shops and me having lived there for more than four years should definitely know where they all were. Naturally. Because I’m practically famous for my ingenious wardrobe. "I really don’t know, baby" I said, "just walk around for five minutes and you should stumble onto quite a few.." It didn’t help that I threw in a "but watch out for terrorists!" for good measure.
She called forty-five minutes later to let me know that she’d finally found ourselves some really nice curtains! Great, I thought. So that is what she was doing all day. Initially. Good to know.
It was only that "but Sigg3, they were a little expensive but when you see them you’re gonna absolutely love them and let’s not forget that they are teh BEDROOM CURTAINS and therefore and henceforth THE MOST IMPORTANT curtains on the planet!" And when I asked how much and heard the reply they had to call the janitor because I was tearing down brickwork from the wall outside and banging my head in. "Oh, great honey!" I said sarcastically, but the phone line couldn’t carry it all the way through. And she was happy that I was happy, and could she finally come visit me at work to pay those bills she mentioned months earlier that I naturally remembered? "Uhm, yeah, I mean sure, there’s a spare laptop here right now.. if we still have money to pay for those bills, I mean."
Which we did.
Not only did we manage to pay the bills, but they were paid on time as well, which always gives me a good night’s sleep. In addition, she had a little surprise for me, and guess what? It was my birthday present!
"Look on the screen, honey. PRÉSENTES!" eyes beaming of joy.
"What was that? I was never really good at that Spanish thing," I said. ‘Cause even though I really like presents, I also really like them to be completely secret and unexpected, because I never learned to expect the unexpected and so I just always expect the worst. Which statistically has been known to help on my general view of the human condition..
No, no! I had to see it right away because she had to know whether I liked it or not before buying it. OBVIOUSLY.
And I must say that I was impressed about her suggestion, even though I couldn’t remember putting it anywhere near my birthday present wish list. Remember that birthday present wish list with a GNU/Linux compatible Wacom bamboo tablet on the very top there? Yes, that wish list. It doesn’t contain a Howard Miller Mantel Clock to my knowledge. An although that is exactly what needs to be on our grand living room fireplace, no doubt about it — it doesn’t necessarily jump the shark on my reasonably priced birthday wishes. No, my wish list contain personally affectionate and economically viable tokens of appreciation, mostly.
Don’t get me wrong. Or kill me.
It’s not that I have anything against the Howard Miller clocks. Or the custom, tailor-made Thai-silk bedroom curtains. Not to mention the whopping fabulous kitchen ceiling lamp that everyone’s raving about. Not at all!
But with all that money going out, I just don’t see how we’ll ever be able to afford the small office server room in my study or the living room home theater to justify all the money we’ve already spent on state-of-the-art network cable imported from the US and installed in every room of our flat! I just don’t see it.. Women.