On Norwegian Juleøl or Christmas Ale

3K NOKs’ Worth of Beer.. What can I say? It’s X-mas!

What? It's just a little Christmas beer..
3x Hansa, 5x Aas pilsner, 3x Ringnes Juleøl, 3x Aas Juleøl, 3x Hansa Premium, 1x Nordlands Pils, 1x Hansa Juleøl.

The word ‘juleøl’ is Norwegian for ‘Christmas Ale’, though Norwegian ales are mostly beer. And juleøl is a dear tradition in Norway as an accessory to our only Norwegian spirit (except from home-brew moonshine) namely Aquavit. Now you may ask what Christmas and alcohol have in common but you’re forgetting the causal aspect of it, the aspect we refer to as History.

Jesus loves. Beer.History, it’s often said, tells us that Jesus of Nazareth was born on This Day in History some 2010 years ago LOL. (I dunno why I wrote LOL it just seemed so appropriate, you know?) In a few days from now. In Norway, Jesus was born on the 24th of December. In the USA he was born on the 25th as far as know; but we also know that the heathen Indians native to the Americas were not in fact Christian, and that the populus victorious after the genocide on the American red skins mostly came from Europe. And it’s not like when they discovered America people were: "OMFG, Jesus was born on another day on this continent!?" and so on. They just made it up to overthrow a particularly heathen older tradition of the northerners. Which is what I’m writing about if you continue reading until the next paragraph.

The 2nd part of the 24th is the pagan holiday we celebrated in the middle of winter as a sacrifice to the Norse gods called ‘vinterblot’ (winter sacrifice). Coincidently, it happened on the exact same day. The vinterblot was both a religious as well as practical holiday. This was in ancient times, before the electric fridge, and salt. And so we had to eat up all the food that would spoil if we kept it any longer. Coincidently, it meant a lot of swine.

In addition, having so many people together under the same room eating and drinking, the women said to themselves: "Yay, I say unto thee, these times are greatly oppurtine for the collection of fresh urine liquids." in a sort of Viking kind of way. Very guttural. That’s why doggy style was more popular back then. You don’t want a girl making guttural sounds in your ear when you’re doing your thang. It’s just a turn off.

But anyway, after and during the meals, the women made sure to make available as much beer as possible, and they placed out troughs for the men to piss in. You may be asking what kind of scat-loving creatures these women were back then, heathens the lot of them! But you’d be surprised! ‘Cause they needed urine in order to make fine-colored clothing! A recent DNA analysis of Vikings’ clothing shows that they dressed much like ABBA (check it out). This has been taken as the forerunner of today’s julebords (Christmas parties) that are mostly job-related and somewhat mandatory.

In Norway, the tradition of beer on Christmas Eve (24th of December) remains very much alive, with our breweries creating new Christmas ales each year. In the picture you can see Aas, Hansa and Ringnes juleøl. They are usually more ale-like than the regular pilsner, but not as heavy as your average Guinness stout either. The green boxes are regular Aas pilsner, my favourite beer for the last 4-5 years.

So that’s Christmas for you. And now you see that the Virgin Mary and Bacardi Breezer have a lot in common! On Christmas day we celebrate a birthday, and we do it with pale ale, aquavits and lots of swine! Or virgins on Bacardi. Bless the Holy Child and Bring on the Bacon! If I don’t see you online or in RL: Have a merry x-mas!

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