Scariest picture of the day: My New Pumas

When I work out I sweat out of my feet like my life depended on it! And if you’ve watched Bear Grylls you know that foot sweat can kill up to 10 people per ounce per day and half-way injure any nearby wildlife just for the heck of it.. So I had to buy separate shoes for the gym unless I wanted to be thrown on my head out for power perspiration. Like ye olde poets do say: Ye Perspire! Is doth Such a Nasty Sinne.

I walk into the shop and there’s a SALE! with frantic people running around trying to save money by buying as much as possible. Enter me, the lone wolf lumberjack not interested in the trifling matters of mere mortals, I man-handle the first fair-haired Swede I can lay my hairy hands on saying; "Peasant! Find me ye INEXPENSIVE shoes for ye gym!"

She trembles like a 70’s disco dancer with epilepsy, before running and fetching me a couple of black Nike’s that she says are light on the wallet considering the luxury padding and I’m all like; "NAY! I sayed YE INEXPENSIF, did I naught?".. and she fetched me these:

My New Pumas

Those are the yellowest shoes in existence. In fact I had a formal committee from the venerable Dept. of Optical Studies come down from the university because they were considering using these pair of shoes as The Reference Yellow, and this guy wanted to write his PhD about them. Lady C has refrained from any type of intercourse since the shoes were acquired however, and I’ve been forced to promise only to use them in the gym..

If that wasn’t scary enough for you guys, consider the following.

On my daily walk to work every morning I must traverse a long one-way road, perhaps 400 meters, that goes behind some of the Soviet styled apartment blocks from the 60’s close to the Botanical garden. This Tuesday morning when I got around the corner to go the stretch I noticed some guy with a peculiar gait walking in the middle of the road towards me.

He walked just like a zombie.

Actually, that’s an understatement. He walked exactly like a zombie. Which is sort of weird, you know, because this is the real world and I wasn’t dreaming.. I quickly glanced left and right to see that there weren’t any more zombies coming at me from the sides (like Velociraptors tend to), and being that there weren’t any I continued down the road.

I mean, this being the real world and all you want to check out and make sure before you admit that the world’s gone apeshit crazy. A car drew up to the zombie from behind and at this point the zombie was in someone’s garden(!) and when it saw the car it seemed to chase it..! Right.

It was only 100m left between us when the zombie put its hands in its pockets.

Now, I’ve never seen a zombie with his hands in his pockets. It’s a much too sophisticated manoeuvre for them, meaning that this guy this thing in front of me was just some dude with a funny walk, alcohol intoxication, bad bodily injury or some insensitive and upsetting disorder. By the time we met each other on the side-walk I was reading my e-mail not caring. Anyway, it’s these little bits of information that will one day save your life. Or mind. Or brain. Have a nice weekend!

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