Ladies, get out your tampons! We’re closing in on 2013, the Mayans predicted the end of the world, and now the last installment of Twilight is airing in local cinemas. Yay! .. slashing my wrists in anticipation.
Since Lady C read the books (and hated them), she insisted I had to go to the first one. I did, and made it out alive. Then the 2nd one was released and I was convinced to see that too! The third time I faked terminal cancer. This time I’m taking a stand. Just say no!
I told C how I couldn’t understand all the female interest in vampires. After all, they’re dead. Blood does not flow in their veins. Do I have to spell it out for you? There are no throbbing members in their club!
Lady C just told me to shut it.
– Don’t understimate the power of rigor mortis, she said.
– And cold hands, I added
– Shut up.
To make it interesting, the author added that in the world of Twilight vampires avoid sunlight because OOOH SHINY! They’re actually walking glitter balls from the 80s. Apparently, it’s because it makes them look sexy when they’re prancing around in their pants.
.. Which is exactly how you look if you’ve spent the last 24 hours in strip clubs. Charming.
Luckily, there’s more to Twilight than the vampyre! There’s Jacob, the werewolf, your bog standard nekkid kid running around in the forests with breasts larger than the lead characteresse. Yeah..
I’ve heard he learned to SIT and ROLL OVER in this movie. Good boy!