Getting ready for the job interview

I already have a job, but when I saw this article top 25 oddball interview questions over at my #1 spammer Techrepublic, I thought I’d run through them without thinking. Prospective employers pls read the disclaimer.

  1. If you were to get rid of one state in the US, which would it be and why?
    Why settle with one state? In fact, Norwegian philosopher Johan Galtung gives USA 7 more years before she breaks up. Then we won’t be talking about states, we’ll be talking nations.


  2. How many cows are in Canada?
    Before or after the coming Apowcalypse?


  3. How many quarters would you need to reach the height of the Empire State building?
    None. As far as I know the elevator is free. USA USA USA!


  4. A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?
    He’s advertising Fedora 19 Mexican edition, but I think it’s drug related.


  5. What songs best describes your work ethic?
    Something in the Way by Nirvana, and also Santa Claus is coming to town by the same.


  6. Jeff Bezos walks into your office and says you can have a million dollars to launch your best entrepreneurial idea. What is it?
    That’s between me and Jeff. I signed an NDA.


  7. What do you think about when you are alone in your car?
    Where the hell’s my dog?


  8. How would you rate your memory?
    X-Rated, hands down. I SAID HANDS DOWN!


  9. Name 3 previous Nobel Prize Winners.
    Obama, Mandela, Aun Sang Shu Xi (no idea how to spell that).


  10. Can you say: ‘Peter Pepper Picked a Pickled Pepper’ and cross-sell a washing machine at the same time?
    Yes. If I just knew what cross-sell means.


  11. If we came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?


  12. How would people communicate in a perfect world?
    Like J├╝rgen Habermas!


  13. How do you make a tuna sandwich?
    I’d ask the girl for a tuna sandwhich, and ready my CC.


  14. My wife and I are going on vacation, where would you recommend?
    Far away from me and your 18-year old daughter! LOL! Nah, just kidding. Go to Rome.


  15. You are a head chef at a restaurant and your team has been selected to be on Iron Chef. How do you prepare your team for the competition and how do you leverage the competition for your restaurant?
    I give a pep talk, you know. Let them know how important this is for ALL OF US, to make them understand that their participation not only matters to me but to them as well. But also that just being on Iron Chef is quite a big honour and privilege, so we should all do our best. And then I’d give them all cocaine.


  16. Estimate how many windows are in New York.
    I’d go for 90%. Then almost 10% on Mac OSX and .5 % on GNU/Linux.


  17. What’s your favorite song? Perform it for us now.
    My hours are for sale, not my integrity.


  18. Calculate the angle of two clock pointers when time is 11:50.
    Let me google that for you


  19. Have you ever stolen a pen from work?
    Studies show that average male employees are very likely to pilfer office supplies while their female counterparts don’t [citation needed]. So the question boils down to whether I’m average or not. I’m above average.


  20. Pick two celebrities to be your parents.
    Michael Jackson and Pamela Anderson. If I don’t get laid, at least I get to DANCE!


  21. What kitchen utensil would you be?
    That weird one you got for Christmas that nobody can tell what does.


  22. If you had turned your cell phone to silent, and it rang really loudly despite it being on silent, what would you tell me?


  23. On a scale from one to ten, rate me as an interviewer.
    X-Rated, hands down. I SAID HANDS DOWN!


  24. If you could be anyone else, who would it be?
    I wouldn’t. Because then they’d be me and have all my shit!


  25. How would you direct someone else on how to cook an omelet?
    That’s a job for middle management. 

Ah. There are so many opportunities. Apparently, these are real questions by HR depts in the US of A. Personally, I’ve never had any "weird" questions because you either know there’s only one right answer, or it’s related to the job. Bonus: You can always end with "but it’s always the context that decides the right course of action". Office weasel, signing off!

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