So, here we are, me and Kornelius, walking around the sunlit city of Oslo trying to find this particular shop for used clothing, because I really need to update my wardrobe with clothes that actually fit me.. We don’t find the first one, at Majorstuen, so we decide that we’re going to the one that I already know the location of, over at Sankthanshaugen. On our way in the city, we’re met with bloodred hearts everywhere, in every café and shop window we see big signs reminding you of VALENTINE’s Day.
Heh, we even meet some people carrying a handful of roses around. Romantic wankers.. I can’t believe they fall for that trick! ("The Americans are celebrating fake love and compete to buy their girl or boy the most ridicolous and expensive token of appreciation, so why don’t we emulate them?")
When we finally get there, the shop is closed of course, because it is Saturday.. We don’t mind, however, continuing our conversation as we decide to head into a local café. We sit there for about an hour, I think, noticing that there are alot of people taking notice in us and eachother. Strange place, we figure, until I – before we’re about to leave – have to
take a piss and find my way into the bathroom and see a big sign above the pissoir saying: "SINGLE’S EVENING! Are you single? Come to [censored] Café and meet someone on VALENTINE’s DAY!" Of course we got the hell out of there, before being eaten up by desperate women in need for some physical activity (also known as ‘love’). It is not possible for me to go out this Saturday evening, because I’ll: a) be left alone, since everyone else is going out in pairs or b) be harassed by horny, middleaged women. (Not to mention that I’m pretty broke, but that’s besides the point.)
Why do the (already pretty amazing*) Americans celebrate this day? Is it really based on some historical event (similar to the Santa Claus) or is it just another big hoax – a conspiracy – based on some marketing genius’ great ambitions?
Historychannel dot com claims that the legend says that (later St.) Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men – his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.
Let’s say this legend is somehow close to the truth, something I have my doubts about, then this so-called tradition is based on a man who was pretty disloyal. Not only did he deliberately go against his own leader, Emperor Claudius II (cool name!), he also married young lovers in secret which probably meant against the will of their parents. Now, there is nothing else than these unrealistic lovestories Americans love more (besides from rag-to-riches stories), but when we face the historical facts, this disobedience would be a cornerstone in the symptoms of a falling society. Hence, he contributed to go against his own time, society, family, friends. He went against the very same community he himself grew up in. And why? Just because some young people, whom in other conditions would have known better, could have sex any time they wanted to.. In addition, we must not neglect the possibility of good, old Claudius being right, meaning Valentine contributed to making his own country more vulnerable for an enemy attack.
Anyway, I find it more probable that it is just another marketing-trick in a row of schemes invented by moneyloving capitalists.
Therefore I refuse to take part in this hypocrite tradition. I’d rather be called ‘lonely and bitter’, something I would have avoided if only this country didn’t follow every, single step the "American Culture" should take. I’ve said my piece, now leave me alone! By the way, here’s a valentine’s card to all of you, with regards from my brother koew!
(* being amazing isn’t necessarily a good thing.)