I’d been listening to Nirvana’s BLEACH, a great album from my days in grunge, when I did my final round at the office this evening. I was supposed to deliver a power chord to a colleague when I was suddenly stopped by a soft, sickening sound. It was pop music erupting from an open office which happened to belong to this American chick I work with. I went over to it and prompted:
– What the hell is this?
I looked at her as if struck dumb.
– What you’ve got a problem with that?
– Yeah, I answered, yes I do
The conversation was as good as over, so I went, leaving a short "Seriously.. get some taste!" in the air, but when I was packing my bag to leave I realized that I had several good reasons why chick-rock wasn’t just a problem to me, but to the world of musical entertainment and art as a whole as well, and that I should have adressed my issues. Think about it;
The principle of chick-rock is that it’s pseudo-feminist wannabe-hardcore pop-rock which is justified by the fact that the performers (note: not artists) are female. Why ‘pseudo-feministic’? Because they play on sex as soon as the need calls for it, and then it’s just all right, it’s all like "liberating oneself from the male dominated industry" or something. Get some sense of perspective!
These women do not starve. In fact, as we’re able to walk in on any record store and buy their music, they’re probably filthy rich. If someone is oppressing them, they just need to find a lawyer that’s good enough. This ain’t got nothing to do with women’s rights at all!
Let’s just say that a man should do this. Not questionable characters in hetero/homo-limbo, like Nsync or Backshit Boys, but real men! Imagine what the lyrics would be like, backed by steelguitar sliding and heavily amplified drums:
I feel so strong
a primal torch within my soul
I am neanderthal –
and I am really strong
– to use the same characteristic as the matter at hand; chick-rock. And, to copy the source even further, we’d need actors like John Travolta or even Sylvester Stallone to do the music videos; flexing muscles, clubbing animals and doing their mating-ritual with the woman-at-hand. In the chorus we’d return to a modern setting, dark, urban, maybe cigarette smoke and a nice car lit by a streetlamp;
I lift heavy stones!!!
Yeaaaaahhww! (when singing this, the singer looks like he’s in pain or something)
(a women in a tight, red dress caressing the singer’s mighty chest)
It wouldn’t sell at all. If it would’ve gotten any serious attention, it would be from some rigid religious group or Nsync who felt that they’d been offended and wanted to ban it from MTV on racistic grounds or something. Terrible, terrible, terrible.
If you, the reader, are all like: "and what’s this got to do with chick-rock?" now, then I suggest you read the post again and again till you figure it out. And when you do, think about it for a while, before the next time you enter some record store and you see a sleazy female topping the list thinking "Hey! She looks good, maybe I’ll buy that" only to realize that it’s not-worthwhile-‘pseudo-feminist’-propaganda produced to make the rich richer.
If you should feel offended in any way, read my disclaimer and get out of here! Or post your feelings in the comments! And please note that I didn’t need to mix in any ridiculous jokes about menstruation at all.. I don’t play that way! I don’t need to.