Yesterday was nothing special. I almost got beat up on my way to work, I completed my Tom Waits CD collection, managed to pay the rent, played some Nexiuz and ate homemade spaghetti. Then I had my usual nap. Yep. I’m a napper. And afterwards I was going to plunge into the world of Sartre, which is quite essential for even thinking about passing this coming exam, and for that I needed a cup of coffee. And as usual, in my penthouse morning robe, I waltzed to the kitchen, grabbed my cup and opened the instant coffee jar.
THERE WAS SOMETHING ALIVE IN MY HAND!
I don’t know about you, but somehow getting this realization when you’re in the morning robe, the penthouse kind, is not really cool. You definetely find yourself a victim of some higher, evil scheme. And I naturally shook my hand and detected that this something alive was moving around on the kitchen bench there.
Looked like a caterpillar-like thing.
We have bugs in the kitchen from before, but those are innocent little beings that doesn’t do any damage and run away when the light is turned on. And, they are so small, that you don’t consider them fleshy. This yellow moving thing, though, was definetely of the fleshy kind. That meaning that if I were to crush it, all kinds of internal organs would splatter around on my kitchen, and perhaps even my penthouse morning robe.
I disposed of it using foul language, a piece of paper and an open window.
I figured it had been hiding up underneath the lid, probably originating from the bananas or the apples in the lower shelf (which don’t belong to me and I am not allowed to sterilize). So I went back to my reading, fought my attention back to the subject, and didn’t think more of it.
But soon I ran out of coffee, and it was about time to make another one. I went back to the kitchen, opened the jar and FUCK THERE’S SOMETHING ALIVE IN MY SLEEVE! and repeated the entire process.
Instant coffee is, to my knoweldge, dried and frozen. Which means that nothing earthly can live down there. It just happens to be such a great coincidence that this happens twice if the entities are coming from, say, the apples. So I think they have mysteriously survived in the frozen-dried coffee, in some sort of hypersleep, only awaiting their chance to take over the world. They must be alien. Or maybe they are brain-sucker nanorobots there to be taken in by unknowing consumers, like you and I, crawling up to our brains only to make us buy more coffee (or surrender the earth).
I, for one, do not welcome these alien overlords!
So for the next few days you will find me closely observing this particular jar of coffee. If you are a drinker of instant coffee, which you are – if you are anything as addicted as I am, please keep an eye on your jar(s) too. I hope to report my findings somewhen soon, when our internet connection is live again..