22 but not housebroken

I always fuck up my trousers.
I’m a clean guy. I washed my hair yesterday, fixed my boxers before my birthday, and everything. But always when I get a new pair of pants on, I spill something on them. Today it was coffee. That’s a regular.

Two days ago I had just put on my new pants when I sneezed on them.
Right on the crotch. Bummer. I don’t have to tell you what it looked like.
But you go like: Wtf? I can’t take them off, I just had them washed.
So you wear ’em regardless. Girls think you’re something of a tramp, uppity old ladies acting like you pee’d yourself, guys just – well, what the hell do I know – I don’t care about what guys think.
You just want to shout right back at ’em: WTF am I supposed to do then?! Tell me!

Your trousers can’t cope with being washed every time you spill something on them. And you can’t change your way of life. I have got to have coffee. And sometimes you just have to walk. Like, from the coffee shop and back to class. That’s when it happens. I’ve had champagne spilt on my pants, lipstick, mud, beer, vomit, blood etc. But sneezing? That’s a first.

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