From my Outbox: Please make sure the exits are locked

I was down in the basement last night, at around ten pm, when I discovered that the basement door was completely open. Anyone could just walk right in. I thought "wtf, I should call Securitas". I had barely put down the phone and had a coffee ‘fore I heard a noise. I was standing in the basement.

I put down my gear by the elevator and started sneaking around, only to discover a tall, looming madman standing in the debris where the cantina used to be.
He was wearing long, loose pants and a worn t-shirt that had been white once.
He’d seen me too.
He was just standing there. Looking in my direction. He was holding something in his hand, I couldn’t say what. A bottle? A knife? He breathed calmly, too calmly for me to calm down, with a lowered forehead that emphasised the dark, filled eyebrows of a crazy loner.
I quickly scanned the vicinity for blunt objects. One of the workers had left a block of wood nearby. I estimated I could reach it, but only if I ran for it.
How would he react? He was clearly something of an oddball. I figured he could be on medication, just staring at me, trying to fit me into his sick, half-delireous fantasies. Or he could be psychotic, which would be worse, since he wouldn’t be dulled down by the meds.
I realized I wouldn’t reach the door if he started running. And a block of wood against what? A knife? Syringe?
What did he want? He hadn’t spoken a word, and the seconds ticked like centuries. I had my back against the wall and I knew it. It was the silence before the violent storm, the fatal showdown. Who would go for it first? I bet he had quite some knife-reach with those long, bigfoot arms. A monster.
But it wasn’t.
It was just the Director.

.. just checking in to see that everything was all right. He’d had a phone call from Securitas. We figured that the door just had to be locked manually, blocking the fire escape, but as far as I knew we were the only ones down there.
I dunno what’s been done about it, but please make sure any exit doors you exit by is properly closed. We can’t have the Director walking around here all night scaring the shit out of people.

Update:
After me posting this on _a small part of our network_ someone forwarded it to the entire internal mailinglist. I expect to be available for hire pretty soon:)