2006 – The Year of the Pizza

I think a fair estimate of last year’s food consumption would show that 30% of all that I ate was pizza, and that 50% of what I ate was lunch in the cantina at work. We sometimes have pizza at work, but that’s not very often. But eating here (at work) is something I do regularly. After all, the food’s already been deducted from my salary, so it would be idiotic of me to miss out, wouldn’t it?
All right, I am lazy. That’s not necessarily = cheap.

Anyway, this means I’ve had a lot of pizza last year. A lot. And it’s not strange at all, if you let statistics decide, it’s the Norwegian national dish. Pizza GrandiosaBut I think that it’s time for a little change in terms of food.
Now what? Burgers and kebab? Nah. I can only take so much of it, and it doesn’t really fill me up like whale beef (yummy-yummy fills my tummy) or fish sticks, or just anything with real potato innit.
This wicca girl wanted to persuade me to become a vegetarian. "What?" I asked "You want me to be a stuck-up elitist that pry about other people’s eating disorders?"
– Have you tried vegetarian food?
– Sure! I have it all the time!
– What do you think of it?
– Love it. It’s great with beef!

But I must admit that I would never eat baby seals. Or puppies. If they were served whole. At least not their skulls. Skulls make for great ornaments. Now I don’t really know what they make Grandiosa meat from, but if it was puppies I’m sure someone would’ve notified the authorities, right? I must back-track a little, because when I think about it I have actually eaten baby seals too..
Anyway.

My grandmother got me a cooking book for young men for x-mas. It was without a doubt the best present I could ever have gotten, unless someone had bought me the alarmclock or wallet that I actually asked for. (Thanks family for asking what I wanted and buying something completely different!) The book is not only about cooking easy, but fancy meals, it also has some very good tips on what to do and not to do depending on whether you’re cooking for: 1) yourself 2) your girl or 3) her parents. It even has a one-night-stand breakfast, in case you want to escalate to a two-nights-stand. All depending on where you’re standing....DOH!

Now, if I would have those one-night-stand breakfasts as often as I had pizza last year, I’d get laid on average every other day. Which would really drain my egg & bacon resources, and in turn increase expenses because you can add SMS costs, flowers, fake ids, cab notes, opera tickets etc. as a consequence of my brilliant c00k1ng Skil1Z. So my plan is to lay down a moderate base of food that don’t require sex. Take Pasta Pronto for instance. Or lamb steak on a bed of veggies and garlic. Sex is optional. And then, maybe just once in a while, I can do a vegetarian uhm I mean, make some one-night-stand breakfasts.

A curious thing, though, is that I don’t gain weight. I look just as manly and handsome as I did as a fourteen year old. Since I don’t work out except from running stairs at work, I guess it must be the cigarettes. Or the fact that I quite probably use nearly 100% of my brain capacity. Without any particular success. Take this post, for example. I have no idea where it’s going!
So I must be burning calories like a nuclear plant.
If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m so cool, I’d probably combust on the spot.

One thing I’ve always wanted to do is learn how to cook. And cook real good too. I mean, without literature and philosophy I would’ve been a cook. What other professions than being a prostitute or a cook can give you a job wherever you are in the world? Librarian? No. Astronaut? Please. Fireman? Yes, many great fires on the South Pole. Philosopher? I don’t really think that is a job. Writer? Yes, but try before you walk that particular line.
But wherever you go people need to ___k and to eat!
And up until now I would’ve been a really bad cook, whose only specialties were pizza, egg & bacon, spaghetti w/sauce and toast. Besides I really enjoy making food. The only reason why I haven’t made big fuck-off dinners to twelve or twenty people is that I only know shit that everybody else know. It’s about time I learned some new cooking tricks, so I can pimp those pans! 2007 be the year of Plate Diversity.

3 thoughts on “2006 – The Year of the Pizza”

  1. hey just cus ONE vegetarian was getting on your back (out of thousands or more who don’t) that’s no need to start calling every vegetarian an elitist or suggest they have eating disorders just because you happened to meet ONE underweight one

  2. I totally agree. The error of concluding from inductions (see: Hume).
    This is a personal blog, however, not a scientific venture to discover the anthropological nature of said morons.

    Truth remains, though, the human body cannot sustain its natural functions on vegetables alone. Any healthy vegetarian known to exist eat unnatural medical supplements. In cases where a full-blown vegetarian refuses to do this, he is referred to as malnourished. This is fact.

    For a human being to become truly vegetarian would take hundreds of thousands of years. Fool.

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