I hate headlines

and the way they change the truth.
I was standing in line at the supermarket. It was hot and humid. I was sweating abnormally, which these two chicks I was in-between with seemed appalled by. Fuck’em, I thought. Yes, I thought, I’d really like to fuck’em make love to’em.
But you know my luck, and instead of chasing them, I read the newspaper headlines.

Man had a splinter in his finger.. LOST BOTH OF HIS LEGS!
Makes you want to go Wohoo! at the end of reading it. I mean, really.

It’s like;
Child (5) was sunbathing… WHEN TRAMPLED TO DEATH BY A GIANT GIRAFFE! Wohoo!
or
China (country) dictates a decline of cattle farming.. SINCE TOO MANY FARMERS ARE DOPED UP ON COW DROPPINGS! Wohoo!
or
Man (34) drank his coffee at home.. NOT KNOWING HIS WIFE HAD POISONED IT SINCE SHE HAD TURNED TO HITLER WORSHIPPING! Wohoo!

Respect Child (5), China (country) and Man (34) for giving us these life altering news. Well, time for pizza. Wohoo!

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