Scaryduck wrote a piece about weird dreams a couple of days ago, and just like him I find them really exhausting. It’s interesting because I’ve heard several other people around are struggling with them these days, and I think it might be because of the changes in light conditions going from Spring to Summer. But anyway. Like in any of my other dreams there be tits (if you’re under 18 read: small birds) but not in a good way, and they explode way too often. I have been having a lot of weird dreams myself lately and the consequent bad sleep, and last night was no different. I do remember some details.
I was in some very, very tall building in a semi-futuristic, minimalist restaurant in what reminds me of Cloud City on Bespin, Star Wars Episode V. I distinctly remember the height, and walking about up there, not talking to any of the posh people who could afford to eat there and who were taking off on jet packs and some kind of tractor beam elevators. I got inside, because outside the wind was constantly blowing, and in the innermost left corner of the low-ceiling but brightly decorated restaurant sat a girl eating sausages. She looked shy, but interesting and I sat down just across her. She looked like Samantha Morton as Agatha in Minority Report.
The sausages looked exquisite. It was something of a posh theme here, like sushi, and you could have all kinds of exotic varieties. I had a little of a green-coated, furry sausage that was called Cold sausage for some reason. Yes, it was cold, but that wasn’t it. But nevermind, the food wasn’t as important as the girl.
"You have nice hands", I said. She did.
I took her one hand and stroked it, and she enjoyed the touching. We got into talking, and I felt good that I could make her smile, and the whole setup was great. The waiter didn’t like me, however, as I kept saying I wasn’t hungry while everyone knew I couldn’t afford it. Eventually we went over to her place.
The hallway where she lived, which looked like any narrow hallway in the Jedi Knight computer game with the ventilation-like gridworks everywhere, was really narrow with doors to identical appartments. They were about the same size as Bruce Willis’ appartment in Fifth Element. Some of the doors were see-thru. She noticed that one of her neighbours had got some new kind of equipment, knives, and she was interested in checking them out. The neighbour was out, but I offered to pick the lock, which I did.
Then the neighour got home, into the narrow hallway just behind me, wanting to know what the hell we were doing in his home. The girl was completely absent in her investigation, but I politely told him what it was about and that I would pay for any damage. He was angry about the picked lock. I showed him how I did it, and how the damages on the lock could not have been from my lock-picker.
I distinctly remember how I showed him this.
Then he pulled the knives from the girl and started waving them in my face. I didn’t feel much threatened, as he was just angry, not ballistic. The knives were like a Swiss Army knife or a Leatherman, only that they were regular sized carving and butcher knives, and in my face. Then the rest of the neighbours showed up. Fat and ugly stay-at-home mums with a keen eye for domestic violence.
They simply wouldn’t hear my story of it, they thought I was harassing the girl who was still in some sort of a sausage high in there, and they started threatening me while the other neighbour actually tried to calm them down. Uh-oh.
A particularly fat and ugly stay-at-home mum brought out her big battery-driven buzz saw. She was going for both me and the other guy. What’s funny is that even though it cut some of my flesh on the upper arm and shoulder, it was simply impossible to avoid in the narrow hall, it didn’t hurt as much as thought it would. Or rather as I – in my dream – thought it would. You must remember that in weird dreams your mind is working pretty hard, and the reasoning you do makes quite a lot of sense. It’s not like a nightmare or a regular at all. I was more annoyed and confused than afraid, although I recognized and tried to avoid the danger. Anyway, the pain was more like a really bad scratch or burn than a circular set of steel teeth destroying your body.
I wanted to let the girl run away, so I pushed myself through the group of crazy women and further into the hallway, going for the stairs.
A screaming red-faced woman came thrashing after me and got hold of me as I got to the last step. I managed to kick her off and watched her fall between an opening between the stairs and the wall, and crash into a blubber heap on the floor two stories down. But the crazy buzz saw woman was quickly advancing up the stairs.
And that’s it…
There isn’t anything else to say! It’s pointless! I didn’t make it with the girl, I don’t know if she escaped and lived happily ever after, I don’t know whether the crazy buzz saw character got hold of me and whether I got out alive or not. Well, probably not. I remember several of these over-weight trailer park kind of women in very much detail, and it’s a fair assumption that the battery on the buzz saw would have ran out before I could manage to cut through them all. Given that I could wrench it from the crazy woman in the first place. But the girl and the sausages were nice.. Weird dream.